So...blue glowey asshole- [ He'd seen him, once. Didn't care for him. ] Got all gnarly and demonic and tried t'kill people what were try'n to help him?
Probably good that I wasn't there, that kinda shit happens even when there aren't supposed t'be demons and whatnot whenever I'm about.
I don't know if we were really helping him, at that point. If he thought we were. But he would have rather liked to kill Nathaniel and I either way. Anders told me as much back in Weisshaupt -- that Justice would have been alert if anyone came in to try and kill us because of how much he hated us.
[ She shakes her head. ]
But- well. He said that I didn't try to help my clan. Implied that I didn't care about them.
When you got a mean summabitch like that you just got t'ignore 'em. Cuz anyone with eyes and most people what don't can look at you and see how much you care 'bout people you don't even know. I can't imagine how much you must care 'bout your Clan.
[ Clan's like crew but all the more so. Clan's blood and family and loyalty and life. ]
I ain't ever met someone that cares near as much as you 'bout people you just met. So. Sorry your friend got all twisted and mucked up, but I'm glad t'see the back of him if he thought so little 'a you.
Oh- Justice wasn't ever a friend, really. He always hated me.
[ Guess who has zero guilt about killing him it's Merrill. ]
But- when you already wonder sometimes if you could have done more, done something differently, if you could have kept them all from dying... it's hard to have someone say it outloud.
[ She doesn't know that Mal may know what it's like personally, but she thinks he may at least be able to understand it. ]
Well then. Balls to him and what he thinks. [ He actually turns to spit on the ground, as you do. It's cheerfully done up til she rattles right on through something he's got on his back more and more often as the days wind on by.
Well. Shit.
He scrubs a little at the back of his head, smirk shifting into a grimace. ]
I know the feel'n- probably better than most what walk about Skyhold. I was in the army, y'know. During the Blight. Fought at Ostagar. At Denerim.
[ He doesn't talk about it much. As in. At all. Ever. Save with Asher and Korrin- they knew, they drank with him on the days of as the years wind through. ]
And hav'n lived through that- I can say you done all you could at Weisshaupt and got no reason t'feel poorly.
[ Balls indeed. Merrill might even spit herself, if not for the fact that it had the potential to involve blood.
Instead, she shifts slightly -- not enough to disturb the dogs too much, but enough that she can set a hand on Mal's arm for a moment. ]
I didn't. Know, that is.
[ And she- well. She's had adventures, but she's never been in a battle like that. Skirmishes against bandits, against demons, against Darkspawn -- but never two armies marching toward one another. ]
My Keeper let herself be possessed by a spirit, thinking it would save me from being possessed instead. Instead- I had to kill what she became.
I had hoped... well, I'd hoped that we would be able to save some of the Wardens, instead of them ending up the same way. At least we were able to help Anders.
[ Ever. He doesn't talk about it ever, not with the Crew on Serenity, not with much of anyone that could look at him and the spear and go 'what the fuck did you do to survive that shit' because he still doesn't quite know.
Putting it together is too damn big for him so he just. Doesn't. Focuses instead on Merrill, on catching her hand in his to squeeze. It feels so damn small and fragile against his calloused palm but he's seen her throw lightening and roots and fire. She don't break easy. ]
[ Sometimes you just survive, somehow. Merrill doesn't really know how she's survived everything, either. She does, however, know that Mal's hand is warm and steady around hers, and she squeezes back. ]
Named things like "Potato" and "Burp".
[ It makes "Barkley" look like a good name, in comparison. ]
I always wanted to see a baby griffon. I don't know if I ever thought it would actually happen, but I definitely didn't think I'd see that many and end up rescuing them.
[ He rubs his thumb over her knuckles, glad to have wrung out a small smile. Sadness don't rightly suit her. Not at all. ]
See? You're a big damn hero's what you are. They're gonna sing songs and tell tales of you. Merrill, the Savior of Griffons. Slayer of Foes, Righter of Wrongs.
[ Mal hooks a foot around a nearbye stool to have a seat, setting aside both Chili and dignity while he taps out a little rhythm on his knee. Soon enough he's singing, soft and smirking. ]
Stand back everyone, nothing here to see Just imminent danger, in the middle of it, she Yes, Savior Merril's here, hair blowing in the breeze And the day needs her saving expertise An elf's gotta do what an elf’s gotta do Seems destiny ends with her saving you The only doom that’s looming is you loving her to death So she’ll give you a sec to catch your breath
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Probably good that I wasn't there, that kinda shit happens even when there aren't supposed t'be demons and whatnot whenever I'm about.
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[ She shakes her head. ]
But- well. He said that I didn't try to help my clan. Implied that I didn't care about them.
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[ Clan's like crew but all the more so. Clan's blood and family and loyalty and life. ]
I ain't ever met someone that cares near as much as you 'bout people you just met. So. Sorry your friend got all twisted and mucked up, but I'm glad t'see the back of him if he thought so little 'a you.
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[ Guess who has zero guilt about killing him it's Merrill. ]
But- when you already wonder sometimes if you could have done more, done something differently, if you could have kept them all from dying... it's hard to have someone say it outloud.
[ She doesn't know that Mal may know what it's like personally, but she thinks he may at least be able to understand it. ]
At least he didn't bring up Weisshaupt.
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Well. Shit.
He scrubs a little at the back of his head, smirk shifting into a grimace. ]
I know the feel'n- probably better than most what walk about Skyhold. I was in the army, y'know. During the Blight. Fought at Ostagar. At Denerim.
[ He doesn't talk about it much. As in. At all. Ever. Save with Asher and Korrin- they knew, they drank with him on the days of as the years wind through. ]
And hav'n lived through that- I can say you done all you could at Weisshaupt and got no reason t'feel poorly.
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Instead, she shifts slightly -- not enough to disturb the dogs too much, but enough that she can set a hand on Mal's arm for a moment. ]
I didn't. Know, that is.
[ And she- well. She's had adventures, but she's never been in a battle like that. Skirmishes against bandits, against demons, against Darkspawn -- but never two armies marching toward one another. ]
My Keeper let herself be possessed by a spirit, thinking it would save me from being possessed instead. Instead- I had to kill what she became.
I had hoped... well, I'd hoped that we would be able to save some of the Wardens, instead of them ending up the same way. At least we were able to help Anders.
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[ Ever. He doesn't talk about it ever, not with the Crew on Serenity, not with much of anyone that could look at him and the spear and go 'what the fuck did you do to survive that shit' because he still doesn't quite know.
Putting it together is too damn big for him so he just. Doesn't. Focuses instead on Merrill, on catching her hand in his to squeeze. It feels so damn small and fragile against his calloused palm but he's seen her throw lightening and roots and fire. She don't break easy. ]
And over a dozen little shits.
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Named things like "Potato" and "Burp".
[ It makes "Barkley" look like a good name, in comparison. ]
I always wanted to see a baby griffon. I don't know if I ever thought it would actually happen, but I definitely didn't think I'd see that many and end up rescuing them.
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[ He rubs his thumb over her knuckles, glad to have wrung out a small smile. Sadness don't rightly suit her. Not at all. ]
See? You're a big damn hero's what you are. They're gonna sing songs and tell tales of you. Merrill, the Savior of Griffons. Slayer of Foes, Righter of Wrongs.
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They'll have to sing about us fighting that dragon, too. And Jayne trying to herd the hatchlings.
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Stand back everyone, nothing here to see
Just imminent danger, in the middle of it, she
Yes, Savior Merril's here, hair blowing in the breeze
And the day needs her saving expertise
An elf's gotta do what an elf’s gotta do
Seems destiny ends with her saving you
The only doom that’s looming is you loving her to death
So she’ll give you a sec to catch your breath
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You know- I'm sure there have been songs about Hawke before, but not me.
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[ He won't, but it's worth it for the blushing. ]
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As long as you include the part about the dragon and Jayne's griffon chicks. And maybe about the fact that you clearly have amazing eyesight.
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[ Not even a little. ]
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You are far too sweet, Mal.
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[ Brows lifted, lips quirked in a smirk around another bite of the fulsome, spicy chili, he is the picture of amused innocence.
Well. Kinda innocence. ]
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[ Innocent =/= curmudgeon, Mal. ]
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Sorta.
Eat your chili.