[ Just like that, three of her favorite things -- plus food -- are in the tent that Merrill is tucked away in. Just like that, everything seems a little brighter. ]
Barkley!
[ Bandages be damned, she's reaching for the pup. Once he's settled himself next to her (he's being careful not to tromp on anything injured, though he's still all wiggling excitement, licking at bits of exposed skin), Merrill reaches to pet Jayne (with a coo of thanks to the big dog, as if he had brought Barkley here himself).
Then she's looking up at Mal, smile soft but genuine. She's touched, really and truly. ]
[ Bronson trundles in not far behind, slow in his age, scarred up but pleasant enough as he takes up the spot at the foot of Merril's bed, curling up to keep her feet warm. ]
You know me. Cn'at just stand by and watch a pretty girl be all sad when she should be smil'n. [ The dogs give Mal time enough to set up a little side table and set out the chilli- unlike most Fereldan cooking it actually has a heat to it, a smell of rich, meaty spice. ] This here is that turkey sort I told you 'bout awhile go.
And this- [ is a fan. All hand carved and polished wood, some pretty stones in a basic setting tied up in sueded leather around the handle. ] Is for you. Gets kinda stivling, ly'n about in these tends.
[ He starts slicing out little hunks of bread with a knob of stolen butter, bowls ready and waiting for the stew. ] See here this is good for when you've lost a lotta blood or broken a bone or tak'n a few hits. I know you got yourself pretty well rattled and this'll help you heal up.
[ It's as good of an excuse as any- he has to lift up Merrill's bowl to keep Jayne from getting at it- only setting Jayne's bowl on the ground for him to eat really keeps him from getting into it. ]
You try help'n everyone out all the live long day. Let someone help you a little, even if it's a mean old man like me.
[ She definitely did- well. All of those things. She hardly looks as bad as she did on that first day, after Vengeance was done with all of them, but there's still a bright bruise on her cheek and many more beneath her robes. (Not her usual armored ones, but lighter ones, with easier access for healing hands and bandages to be changed.) ]
You're not mean. Or old.
[ Letting people help her is- more difficult, sometimes. But she'll try to let Mal do it, at least. ]
Would a mean, old man bring me stew and a fan he made himself and three dogs?
[ She shifts, grimacing slightly, but forcing herself to do it all the same. ]
And even if you think you are mean and old- I like you.
[ She don't know him too terrible well but- if she likes who he is when he's around her? That's good enough for him. Mal manages a half smile as he pulls up a chair and settles in next to her, offering up her bowl of the well spiced and savory chili. ]
Maybe. Sometimes mean old men feel a little less mean and old if they can make a pretty girl smile when she's been sad.
[ Tugs the heart strings it does, know'n she's all blue. ]
Mean old men also don't let me ride their horse or let me cry on them because a griffon lost their wing.
[ Or because they had to leave people behind at a fortress overrun with demons, but she's just- not going to think about that.
She has to sit up a bit more before taking the bowl, wincing when she goes too fast, but she gets there and takes the bowl. ]
It's- well. You know. Spirits say things, and when so much has happened, it's... hard to smile, sometimes. [ A pause, and- ] You've been very good at getting me to do it so far, though.
[ He lifts a hand to slow her when she sits up but- ain't noth'n gonna stop a woman who's got her mind made up. Not even bruised ribs and such. He waits for her to settle before offering the spoon, nudging Barkely's nose out of the way before giving him a scritch. ]
That fight you had down in the valley? The one what got you and your friends all knocked about?
So...blue glowey asshole- [ He'd seen him, once. Didn't care for him. ] Got all gnarly and demonic and tried t'kill people what were try'n to help him?
Probably good that I wasn't there, that kinda shit happens even when there aren't supposed t'be demons and whatnot whenever I'm about.
I don't know if we were really helping him, at that point. If he thought we were. But he would have rather liked to kill Nathaniel and I either way. Anders told me as much back in Weisshaupt -- that Justice would have been alert if anyone came in to try and kill us because of how much he hated us.
[ She shakes her head. ]
But- well. He said that I didn't try to help my clan. Implied that I didn't care about them.
When you got a mean summabitch like that you just got t'ignore 'em. Cuz anyone with eyes and most people what don't can look at you and see how much you care 'bout people you don't even know. I can't imagine how much you must care 'bout your Clan.
[ Clan's like crew but all the more so. Clan's blood and family and loyalty and life. ]
I ain't ever met someone that cares near as much as you 'bout people you just met. So. Sorry your friend got all twisted and mucked up, but I'm glad t'see the back of him if he thought so little 'a you.
Oh- Justice wasn't ever a friend, really. He always hated me.
[ Guess who has zero guilt about killing him it's Merrill. ]
But- when you already wonder sometimes if you could have done more, done something differently, if you could have kept them all from dying... it's hard to have someone say it outloud.
[ She doesn't know that Mal may know what it's like personally, but she thinks he may at least be able to understand it. ]
Well then. Balls to him and what he thinks. [ He actually turns to spit on the ground, as you do. It's cheerfully done up til she rattles right on through something he's got on his back more and more often as the days wind on by.
Well. Shit.
He scrubs a little at the back of his head, smirk shifting into a grimace. ]
I know the feel'n- probably better than most what walk about Skyhold. I was in the army, y'know. During the Blight. Fought at Ostagar. At Denerim.
[ He doesn't talk about it much. As in. At all. Ever. Save with Asher and Korrin- they knew, they drank with him on the days of as the years wind through. ]
And hav'n lived through that- I can say you done all you could at Weisshaupt and got no reason t'feel poorly.
[ Balls indeed. Merrill might even spit herself, if not for the fact that it had the potential to involve blood.
Instead, she shifts slightly -- not enough to disturb the dogs too much, but enough that she can set a hand on Mal's arm for a moment. ]
I didn't. Know, that is.
[ And she- well. She's had adventures, but she's never been in a battle like that. Skirmishes against bandits, against demons, against Darkspawn -- but never two armies marching toward one another. ]
My Keeper let herself be possessed by a spirit, thinking it would save me from being possessed instead. Instead- I had to kill what she became.
I had hoped... well, I'd hoped that we would be able to save some of the Wardens, instead of them ending up the same way. At least we were able to help Anders.
[ Ever. He doesn't talk about it ever, not with the Crew on Serenity, not with much of anyone that could look at him and the spear and go 'what the fuck did you do to survive that shit' because he still doesn't quite know.
Putting it together is too damn big for him so he just. Doesn't. Focuses instead on Merrill, on catching her hand in his to squeeze. It feels so damn small and fragile against his calloused palm but he's seen her throw lightening and roots and fire. She don't break easy. ]
[ Sometimes you just survive, somehow. Merrill doesn't really know how she's survived everything, either. She does, however, know that Mal's hand is warm and steady around hers, and she squeezes back. ]
Named things like "Potato" and "Burp".
[ It makes "Barkley" look like a good name, in comparison. ]
I always wanted to see a baby griffon. I don't know if I ever thought it would actually happen, but I definitely didn't think I'd see that many and end up rescuing them.
[ He rubs his thumb over her knuckles, glad to have wrung out a small smile. Sadness don't rightly suit her. Not at all. ]
See? You're a big damn hero's what you are. They're gonna sing songs and tell tales of you. Merrill, the Savior of Griffons. Slayer of Foes, Righter of Wrongs.
[ Mal hooks a foot around a nearbye stool to have a seat, setting aside both Chili and dignity while he taps out a little rhythm on his knee. Soon enough he's singing, soft and smirking. ]
Stand back everyone, nothing here to see Just imminent danger, in the middle of it, she Yes, Savior Merril's here, hair blowing in the breeze And the day needs her saving expertise An elf's gotta do what an elf’s gotta do Seems destiny ends with her saving you The only doom that’s looming is you loving her to death So she’ll give you a sec to catch your breath
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Barkley!
[ Bandages be damned, she's reaching for the pup. Once he's settled himself next to her (he's being careful not to tromp on anything injured, though he's still all wiggling excitement, licking at bits of exposed skin), Merrill reaches to pet Jayne (with a coo of thanks to the big dog, as if he had brought Barkley here himself).
Then she's looking up at Mal, smile soft but genuine. She's touched, really and truly. ]
Thank you.
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You know me. Cn'at just stand by and watch a pretty girl be all sad when she should be smil'n. [ The dogs give Mal time enough to set up a little side table and set out the chilli- unlike most Fereldan cooking it actually has a heat to it, a smell of rich, meaty spice. ] This here is that turkey sort I told you 'bout awhile go.
And this- [ is a fan. All hand carved and polished wood, some pretty stones in a basic setting tied up in sueded leather around the handle. ] Is for you. Gets kinda stivling, ly'n about in these tends.
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I- you didn't have to-
[ The blood that's still actually inside her body and not dried out at the ritual site rushes to her face, her ears, in a blush. ]
I don't know if I can thank you enough, honestly.
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[ He starts slicing out little hunks of bread with a knob of stolen butter, bowls ready and waiting for the stew. ] See here this is good for when you've lost a lotta blood or broken a bone or tak'n a few hits. I know you got yourself pretty well rattled and this'll help you heal up.
[ It's as good of an excuse as any- he has to lift up Merrill's bowl to keep Jayne from getting at it- only setting Jayne's bowl on the ground for him to eat really keeps him from getting into it. ]
You try help'n everyone out all the live long day. Let someone help you a little, even if it's a mean old man like me.
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You're not mean. Or old.
[ Letting people help her is- more difficult, sometimes. But she'll try to let Mal do it, at least. ]
Would a mean, old man bring me stew and a fan he made himself and three dogs?
[ She shifts, grimacing slightly, but forcing herself to do it all the same. ]
And even if you think you are mean and old- I like you.
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[ She don't know him too terrible well but- if she likes who he is when he's around her? That's good enough for him. Mal manages a half smile as he pulls up a chair and settles in next to her, offering up her bowl of the well spiced and savory chili. ]
Maybe. Sometimes mean old men feel a little less mean and old if they can make a pretty girl smile when she's been sad.
[ Tugs the heart strings it does, know'n she's all blue. ]
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[ Or because they had to leave people behind at a fortress overrun with demons, but she's just- not going to think about that.
She has to sit up a bit more before taking the bowl, wincing when she goes too fast, but she gets there and takes the bowl. ]
It's- well. You know. Spirits say things, and when so much has happened, it's... hard to smile, sometimes. [ A pause, and- ] You've been very good at getting me to do it so far, though.
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[ He lifts a hand to slow her when she sits up but- ain't noth'n gonna stop a woman who's got her mind made up. Not even bruised ribs and such. He waits for her to settle before offering the spoon, nudging Barkely's nose out of the way before giving him a scritch. ]
That fight you had down in the valley? The one what got you and your friends all knocked about?
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The spoon is taken; her grip, at least, is strong. She takes a bite of the chili first, sighing happily at the taste. ] Oh, that's very good.
[ Rather unlike the fight. ]
We were able to pull Justice out of Anders -- who very quickly became Vengeance and tried to kill myself, Anders, and Nathaniel specifically. So. Yes.
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Probably good that I wasn't there, that kinda shit happens even when there aren't supposed t'be demons and whatnot whenever I'm about.
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[ She shakes her head. ]
But- well. He said that I didn't try to help my clan. Implied that I didn't care about them.
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[ Clan's like crew but all the more so. Clan's blood and family and loyalty and life. ]
I ain't ever met someone that cares near as much as you 'bout people you just met. So. Sorry your friend got all twisted and mucked up, but I'm glad t'see the back of him if he thought so little 'a you.
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[ Guess who has zero guilt about killing him it's Merrill. ]
But- when you already wonder sometimes if you could have done more, done something differently, if you could have kept them all from dying... it's hard to have someone say it outloud.
[ She doesn't know that Mal may know what it's like personally, but she thinks he may at least be able to understand it. ]
At least he didn't bring up Weisshaupt.
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Well. Shit.
He scrubs a little at the back of his head, smirk shifting into a grimace. ]
I know the feel'n- probably better than most what walk about Skyhold. I was in the army, y'know. During the Blight. Fought at Ostagar. At Denerim.
[ He doesn't talk about it much. As in. At all. Ever. Save with Asher and Korrin- they knew, they drank with him on the days of as the years wind through. ]
And hav'n lived through that- I can say you done all you could at Weisshaupt and got no reason t'feel poorly.
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Instead, she shifts slightly -- not enough to disturb the dogs too much, but enough that she can set a hand on Mal's arm for a moment. ]
I didn't. Know, that is.
[ And she- well. She's had adventures, but she's never been in a battle like that. Skirmishes against bandits, against demons, against Darkspawn -- but never two armies marching toward one another. ]
My Keeper let herself be possessed by a spirit, thinking it would save me from being possessed instead. Instead- I had to kill what she became.
I had hoped... well, I'd hoped that we would be able to save some of the Wardens, instead of them ending up the same way. At least we were able to help Anders.
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[ Ever. He doesn't talk about it ever, not with the Crew on Serenity, not with much of anyone that could look at him and the spear and go 'what the fuck did you do to survive that shit' because he still doesn't quite know.
Putting it together is too damn big for him so he just. Doesn't. Focuses instead on Merrill, on catching her hand in his to squeeze. It feels so damn small and fragile against his calloused palm but he's seen her throw lightening and roots and fire. She don't break easy. ]
And over a dozen little shits.
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Named things like "Potato" and "Burp".
[ It makes "Barkley" look like a good name, in comparison. ]
I always wanted to see a baby griffon. I don't know if I ever thought it would actually happen, but I definitely didn't think I'd see that many and end up rescuing them.
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[ He rubs his thumb over her knuckles, glad to have wrung out a small smile. Sadness don't rightly suit her. Not at all. ]
See? You're a big damn hero's what you are. They're gonna sing songs and tell tales of you. Merrill, the Savior of Griffons. Slayer of Foes, Righter of Wrongs.
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They'll have to sing about us fighting that dragon, too. And Jayne trying to herd the hatchlings.
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Stand back everyone, nothing here to see
Just imminent danger, in the middle of it, she
Yes, Savior Merril's here, hair blowing in the breeze
And the day needs her saving expertise
An elf's gotta do what an elf’s gotta do
Seems destiny ends with her saving you
The only doom that’s looming is you loving her to death
So she’ll give you a sec to catch your breath
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You know- I'm sure there have been songs about Hawke before, but not me.
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[ He won't, but it's worth it for the blushing. ]
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As long as you include the part about the dragon and Jayne's griffon chicks. And maybe about the fact that you clearly have amazing eyesight.
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[ Not even a little. ]
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You are far too sweet, Mal.
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